Talk, Talk

There are times where I really just want to do like the Green Day song says,

Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About everything and nothing all at once?

But, instead of whining, I just want to talk to someone- or a small group of someones- about everything and nothing all at once. Yes, there are things I want to talk about and questions that have yet to form from mixed up thoughts that I really want to ask and things I really want to talk about; but right now, I just really want to talk.

One of the biggest things is the people I really want to talk to. I'm afraid of asking. I'm afraid of what they'd think of me. I'm afraid of having nothing whatsoever to say and of being extremely uninteresting.

I'm afraid of getting too close.

I moved several times growing up and just started not getting close to people. What was the point when you'd be gone in nine months. Even letters stopped after awhile.

I'm just in a very odd place right now. I can't seem to be getting through a lot of my own personal barriers from years gone by. I'm afraid of things that may or may not happen. I'm scared of certain people from my life showing up at faire again. I feel like I can't really tell those I know about things because I'm afraid of being judged and what they would say. The things I want to talk about include all of these things and more. But I can't seem to find the words to say, "hey, can we talk?" because it scares me.